Megaman And The Black Twist: A Canon Fanfic
Megaman had lived in a house built on an asteroid hurtling through space for the past seven years now. It had central air and an amazing view of the sun most of the year, though the plumbing left something to be desired, given that the asteroid was only so large. Megaman didn't think much of this when he bought the house, figuring he would just deal with it later. Later came around seven years into his ownership.

There he was, standing in his bathroom as the water sat slowly burbling over the lip of his toilet which seemed to mock him with its refusal to operate properly. He was in the middle of a phone call with the last plumber in the phone book who returned to the line only to say another variation of "You knew when you bought that asteroid house that this was bound to happen. It's too late to fix it now. It's full."

A pang burned deep in his stomach, which was followed by a cramp. Megaman knew what this meant, and it could not have come at a worse time. If only he had checked the expiration date on that discounted bag of cold cuts before he absentmindedly shoved half the package in his mouth while on hold with the seventeenth plumber. It was only a matter of time now.

He turned to the back of the phone book, where he had scribbled a number labeled "black market plumber" years ago. Where had he even come across it? It wasn't important now. All he remembered was that he had it, and so now he called it.

"So, it's time," said a somber voice.

"I live on one of the asteroids in the Beta Belt," Megaman explained. "My plumbing has--"

"We know all this," the voice interrupted. "We will arrive to initiate The Process in six hours."

"S-six hours?!" Megaman stammered. "I understand you work on a schedule but that's--"

"It is as written," the voice said with great force and gravity. "Six hours shall pass upon Realization of the Day of Brimming's Arrival before The Process commences."

"But I don't have six hours--"

"As it is written, the Six Hours is necessary so as to Truly Herald the Day of Brimming. The first hour shall be dedicated to the Assumption of Responsibility, which we shall honor by singular blows on the Trumpets of Duty. The second hour shall be--"

"I'm going to sharf," Megaman said.

"--dedicated to...wait, 'sharf'? What is that?"

"I ate something really dumb."

"I still don't understand."

"When you eat something dumb, sometimes you know you're going to shit and other times you know you're going to barf."


"I'm pretty confident I'm going to end up doing both."

"Can you be sure though?"

"It feels exactly 50/50. It never has with such precision before."

"And you're sure of this."

"I eat a lot of dumb things, you see."

"I see."

"Not my first rodeo. This would be my first sharf though."



"And what does this have to do with--"

"I can't sharf in my house without a toilet!"

"...Fine, we'll be there in ten minutes."

True to their word, one of their plumbers arrived in exactly ten minutes. The pain was substantial in Megaman's gut now, though he was still able to keep it together. He opened the front door to see a man in black coveralls with the name "Gus" emblazoned in red over the chest pocket.

"Unnh. It's back that way," Megaman said, pointing to his bathroom door.

"No, it's this way," Gus said, pointing to his spacecraft which was clamped on the edge of the asteroid outside. "Let's go."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Megaman cried. "Aren't you here to fix my plumbing?"

"Yes," said Gus. "By way of The Process. We must hurry."

"So that six hours business earlier wasn't a--"

"All that has happened has happened in accordance with The Process."

Megaman realized that Gus's voice was the one he had been talking to on the phone. "Are you sure that--" Megaman said nervously.

"No time for explanation!" Gus shouted. "We need to get to the Black Twist whether you're in the craft or not!"

"Now that's truly ridiculous," Megaman chuckled in spite of the gnawing roil burning his stomach. Gus shrugged and jogged back to his craft. Megaman called behind him "How can I go somewhere when I'm not--"

"Better get inside and hold on to something then," Gus said before the door of his craft shut. The engines glowed blue and the craft burst into space with a blast of speed, still clamped to the asteroid and dragging it behind him. Megaman tumbled backward into his house and frantically grabbed a lamp, only succeeding in taking it with him as he flew further back down his hallway. A wall mercifully ended his little trip.

"What are you doing!!!" he screamed, knowing Gus couldn't hear him. He began to feel his stomach gaining ground in the war against his control. Moments later, the craft and asteroid coasted to an abrupt stop, throwing Megaman across the hall to the front door again. He let go of the lamp and stormed outside.

He was about to run at the craft and shout at Gus until he saw the amazing sight of the seemingly impossible geometry of three dimensions of light pouring and disappearing into a black hole right past his mailbox. The craft opened and Gus stepped out.

"Welcome to the Black Twist," Gus said.

"It's beautiful," Megaman managed through the pain which had now grown nearly unbearable.

"It's dire," Gus said. "This is where all the waste in the known galaxy ultimately ends up sooner or later. Garbage, unclaimed salvage, sewage."

"So we're going to drain my house's plumbing here," Megaman said through a groan.

"We're not," Gus said, shaking his head. "We can't. Because, you see, it's full."

"Now hold on, how can a black hole be full?"

"Look at it yourself!" And Gus was right. There was an unnatural bulging quality to the way the light disappeared past the event horizon and Megaman could tell that many more additions would be untenable. "The universe that the black hole has been dumping into is now full. If the antimatter is backwashed into ours through that hole, our universe is going to end if something isn't done soon."

"Unnnnh, my dignity is going to end soon," Megaman moaned. He doubled over in pain, grasping his stomach with both hands. "So now what are we going to do?"

"We wait for The Process," Gus answered. And then he sat.

Megaman blinked. "What?!"

Gus said nothing more, just watching Megaman.

"What?!" Megaman repeated. "You drag my house, my asteroid, and me here to this overflowing black hole under the pretense of solving the problem I contracted you for and it's all for your bizarre cult?!" A shooting pain like acid bathing the inside of his stomach made him pause briefly.

Gus continued staring at Megaman and the black hole, seeming to be lost in his own reflections.

"You're going to refund my credit right this instant! And, unngh, I expect to be brought back to the Beta Belt as soon as you do!" He pulled out a phone, then nearly dropped it as the agony of what felt like magma dribbled through his intestines. "Why, I'm going to call the police is what I'm going to do. Until further...mmf...notice, you're under a citizen's arrest!" A wave of nausea and bloat brought him quite literally to his knees.

Gus took a small breath and wiped a small tear from his eye.

"Mmmf...ugggh...I'm dialing them right now...ohhh, mmf, oh no," were his last words before two very different tidal waves erupted from him with such force that a new gravitational singularity opened in the middle of his body.

"The Process is complete!" Gus shouted, jumping in the air with jubilation. "The universe lives another cycle!" Megaman's body was sucked into its own gravitational pull, followed by Gus, Gus's craft, his own house, his asteroid, and the Black Twist.

Unfortunately, this story was not one of the things pulled into it.