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written by: Jak Locke

from Jak Is A Four Letter Word: Side Purple (November 15th 2016) (1:42)
Last night they had the Republican convention and I lost a bet so I went in a dress
Nobody else showed up, I didn't feel like hanging round
Fox said it was a rousing success
Then I was trying to find a taxi when I saw this truck driving up on the side
I showed him some leg and he swerved, thinking it was a bear
And he was gone before I could ask for a ride

I shot craps in an alley and I won a bus pass so I caught the bus and ended up back home
And I hoped someone would be there since I was dolled up so fine
My mom came over but all she wanted was help with the email on her phone again
So when she left I thought that I might go to bed
But the newspaper man threw the paper at my house about that time
I looked down and read the headline, it said:
"The Ugliest Girl In The World Shows GOP Support" know, I really don't know what part of that bothers me more.
It's hurtful, just hurtful.

Anyway I figured I'd take a shower then I remembered all my bills were overdue
So I went into the neighbor's yard and set off the sprinklers covered with Dial hand soap and dog shampoo
I ended up getting water in my beer and there was only one hand towel
This isn't going anywhere anymore so I'll quit while I'm ahead

earliest live performance: December 2nd 2011